A Very Volturi Christmas
by aesirborn
Summary: Aro and Marcus hate Christmas. But a young member of the guard is determined to change this. Pure fluff, takes place during Italian Ice. Oneshot.


**A/N: Dear viewers: JESUS CHRIST RIDING A PENCIL, LAURA JUST WROTE... FLUFF! It starts of rather serious, but the entire thing is supposed to be humorous. Please do not take any opinions expressed by these characters to heart as my OWN opinions on these characters, this is pure satire and and a (attempted) comedy. Merry Christmas! :)**

**Disclaimer: Nope, no rights. Dahnit.**

A Very Volturi Christmas

Marcus and Aro of the Volturi were Roman generals by the time of Jesus Christ. The two men were almost brothers, as Aro's divine sister, Didyme, was the wife of Marcus at the time. She bore him a single son, who they had named Julius, one of the most popular names of the day.

While Aro was a very liberal man, he most certainly did not agree with the views of the new religious party, who called themselves, "Christians". They were more outrageous than the views of the Jews! Marcus himself was quite conservative, a contrast that caused many arguments between the brother-in-laws. But neither liked the idea behind Christianity.

The joined many of their comrades in battles between Christians and the Roman armies, and both warlike men of the time killed there fair share of them.

Didyme, however, did not dislike the Christians, but she felt sympathy for them. What would the gods do too those poor souls when they got the chance? Most of them seemed acursed when she met them, on the rare days when Marcus was home and would take her out too the market.

Both men were quite displeased to find themselves as Pluto's monsters when they awoke from a painful sleep. The men had their troops camping in the woods, only a small number of them, true, and a band of vampires had torn through the camp, drinking all of the troops dry, before coming across the generals, sleeping soundly in their tent. The leader of these vampires, an ancient man at the time, almost six thousand years old, had cackled wickedly, biting the two humans at the sleeping men's throats, before yelling for the six vampires, what was left of his ancient village, to move out. The band of wild vampires left as the two men began to change.

When the Roman Catholic Empire began, not quite far from Marcus and Aro, who had later changed their wives, Didyme and Sulpicia, who had been extremely pleased with their powers, as vampires, the four vampires where quite unhappy, as their old views where only shared between the four. The four vampires had found others, other relics from their time, a strong young soldier, changed by a rogue vampire in search of a companion, had abandoned the vampire out of anger for making him desert his old life, had run into the Didyme and Marcus during his wonderings. The strong young vampire, with such great military potential during life, had fallen in love with the divine beauty that was Didyme at first site, and had joined the Volturi so he could remain close to Didyme, knowing of course that she had a husband. Marcus had disliked the young army boy, and wanted him below his rank. He had spoken with Aro quietly in the dead of the night one evening, while away from the others, that the Volturi were not very strong, and should have a guard to protect them from harm. And so, young Felix became the founder of the Volturi guard.

Around the time of the rise of the Roman Catholic Empire, Aro had begun business with a quite grumpy young man, a thin twenty-something with a skim milk colored complexion and watery green eyes. This man's name was Caius, who had the fairly inconspicuous surname of Favior. Caius was an unpleasant man who helped his father run a very successful bank in the city of Rome. His wife, the beautiful Athendora, was seven years younger than him, to the extent of their knowledge. Aro, a good man at heart, had seen potential in the rude young man, and had changed he and the young Athendora.

The guard did acquire several Catholic members as the ages went by, but they were quickly informed by Felix, who still had a sort of seniority over his fellow guard members, that Mr. Aro and Mr. Marcus quite disliked Christianity, so the Volturi was void over any Christmas celebration as the ages went by.

Young Isabella Swan was not informed of this, however. Felix rarely spoke with her, and nobody found much of a religion in her. The Volturi knew that humans were slowly losing there faith, and those who had there faith were an unhappy sort of folk, always walking around angrily with picket signs and having Darwin fish thrown at them, as far as the Volturi could see from the confines of there castle.

Isabella did not seem like this angry sort of person.

They did not quite understand symbolic type of Christians, to say, people who say they are Christians but never go too church except on Holidays and celebrate Christmas just too give there children presents.

Bella, on her first stay of Christmas at the Volturi castle, was still extremely shy and quite uncomfortable around most adult vampires. Even though it was entirely ridiculous too feel safe around such people, Bella had found comfort in Jane and Alec, only several years older than her when they were changed, because they felt almost like a big brother and sister, or guides. Bella had gotten them small gifts, the two had accepted them blankly, and years later Bella had found these failed presents in Alec's junk drawer.

Two years after the incident, a young, rogue vampire, had joined the guard. This vampire was a very merry woman, about thirty-two when she was changed, and she was always smiling. Her name was Jennifer. She had a power that was a rather contrast to herself. Jennifer could inflict limitless misery on people.

Caius liked this power, and gave her a spot on the lower guard. Jennifer was explained everything, even the master's dislike of Christmas, which shocked Jennifer. How could you dislike Christmas? It was such a merry, brotherly day, in Jennifer's eyes.

So Jennifer set out on having a Volturi Christmas, a rather outrageous event to start with.

She figured nobody would notice decorations, except maybe that odd human who always hung around the witch twins- what was she doing there anyways? No that it mattered then, anyways. She secretly bought Christmas décor, and when nobody was looking, she spread it through out the castle. Nobody knew quite what the shiny garland was except the thoroughly confused human girl.

Jennifer sat back while everyone was puzzled at the sudden abundance of fat men with big beards and pine trees spread throughout the castle. Except the human. She gave rather curious stares too Jennifer, who returned them with dead set stone eyes.

Jennifer slowly talked the newer members of the guard into celebrating Christmas, at least just this one time. And the leaders of the Volturi slowly found themselves overwhelmed by Christmas spirit.

Bella liked the idea. Premium credit card in hand, she snuck into the village with the girls from her school too go shopping. She found Jane a scarf with a skull and cross bone pattern. She bought it. It would fit Jane. Alec was harder. You can't buy a vampire chocolate. You can't give a guy clothing. She finally settled on buying him a gorgeous journal from a book shop. It was had a crescent moon on the cover embroidered with blood red thread.

And finally Christmas day came. Bella was extremely nervous that day, as she revealed Jane and Alec their gifts. Jane gave Bella a poker face, but Alec loved Jane's gift himself. He said the empty book was nice, and set it on top of the dictionary on his desk, a place of honor. Jane and Alec had miraculously returned the favor, Jane giving her a silver ring, and Alec a teeny, tiny Volturi crest, the size of a thumb. It was not a real Volturi crest, yes, but Bella loved it the same. She placed the clasp around her neck, and it fit perfectly.

Alec and Bella wandered the halls that evening. Everything was closed on Christmas day and there wasn't a thing to do in the city of Volterra. Jennifer had hung sparkling lights from the cavernous ceiling that fell from their perches like stars. They had unfortunately found Marcus that evening who was lonely and prowling the halls, who had seen Bella's new charm.

"Its nice to see someone at least making merriment." He had grumbled solemnly, before continuing on his way.

"Tssk, killjoys." Alec had muttered when Marcus was out of vampire earshot, and they found an empty room of the castle. And Alec taught Bella too dance, even though no music was playing, he twirled her gracefully and made sure the girl did not fall down.

Bella was tired when the dancing was done. She collapsed on the stone floor of the room, staring at the lights falling down from the ceiling. Rigidly, Alec lay next too Bella's side, before the two slowly molded their bodies together. Alec, for the warmth, Bella for the comfort. Bella was dizzied and tired, Alec was steady and wide awake, as vampires always are.

When sense of time finally returned, the two stood, and stood beneath the doorway. Above them hung a strand of mistletoe.

"Do you know what mistletoe means?" Bella asked, yawning.

"Of course, I'm not stupid." The boy said.

He was slightly shorter than her, but standing on his toes, he pressed his lips against her, and the girl smiled beneath them.

"Merry Christmas." Alec said, pulling away softly.

The girl would fall asleep that night, and when she would wake on December 26th, all she would remember was learning to dance. But the boy never fell asleep that night, and he would remember the details of December 25th forever.

**Could you please review this? This is my present for you and it took two hours to write! Can you give me my present and spend two minutes writing me a review?**


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